just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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