Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize