cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
