...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
