New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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