my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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