well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
