He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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