Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize