I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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