hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
