Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
