yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
