What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
