I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No subtext here. People are naked.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize