Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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