If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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