omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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