Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
