ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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