our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
