um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
