And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
