Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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