Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
