i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
