420 ftw
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
