I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
