Porn is love you can see.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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