at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
