True but thats because hes a fetus.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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