Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
