I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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