meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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