I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
