U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I will pee on everything he values.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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