his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize