Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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