i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize