Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
