You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
