It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
