that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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