I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
