I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
