Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
