she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
