apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
