I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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