i permit you to call me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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