i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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