dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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