All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
