Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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