he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
