Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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