My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
