I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
