I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize