So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
