So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
