I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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