There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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