I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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