Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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