I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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