I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize