please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
