so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
