if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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