awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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