dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
