i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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