Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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