I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
