How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize