Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
