yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
