thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize