i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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