You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
