Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
