So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
