And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
