OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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