Dual....:-)
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
