I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
