he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize